I turned 32 this year. I’ve had some feelings about it but as I have reflected back on my life, I can’t help but think about some misconceptions/expectations that I carried over the years that were found to be untrue/unhelpful. And here’s the thing – I’m not the kind of human who wants to fill your feeds with fluffy, feel good material. There’s enough of that out in the world. I feel that God has equipped me to tell the truth and to spur you on toward God’s best for your life by pointing out false narratives floating around in our world/culture.

As a married woman in my thirties with a baby growing in my belly, my heart is continually burdened for a specific group of folks – and it’s the generation behind me. This message is for the 20 somethings. And if you’re reading this and do not fall into this category, I hope that you’ll stick with me so that you can pass this along to the 20 something in your life. I also hope that you might find some encouragement here too.

If you identify in this age group, I pray you take this as a word of encouragement from a big sister. The one who is still processing and learning from mistakes made in her 20s. The one whose heart and true intent is to inspire, encourage and empower you to seek God’s best for your life over all the things that this world – both the secular world and Christian world – say is best for you.

Friends, we’re going to talk about marriage and the way in which our culture has used something that God created for his glory to be used as a measuring stick for worth and success in our world. I say this with as much sincerity as I can muster : your singleness is not a disease and marriage was never meant to complete you. Your worth is not found in the love found in another human that may one day be your spouse.

Some of you are rolling your eyes at me and that’s fine, I get it. But really lean in and listen close. I’m afraid that if you are not careful you might miss out on a whole big, full life you could have right now because instead of having eyes fixed on Jesus, you’re searching for a potential spouse with every single guy/girl that walks in the room.

You may wonder how I know this? Well, I was that girl who went off to college with a feeling in my gut that I would find my husband – and fast. I had my list of qualities I wanted in a man practically laminated in my back pocket ready to whip out against any guy that made a pass at me like a 20 questions measuring stick. Yall, I WAS THAT GIRL.

When I was 20, I fell into a familiar trap that I’ve seen in young people today. I thought I had met the man I was going to marry and I made all kinds of plans. When that relationship ended, I was devastated. And two years later, God called me to spend two months outside of everything I knew to be comfortable. It was during that season that he taught me that he had created me for more than just being someone’s wife. And that if I wasn’t careful, I would miss out on all the things that he was doing around me. God showed me gifts that I didn’t even know I possessed and that he wanted me to use those gifts for the rest of my life – single or married.

That season of discomfort changed me. And God used it to allow me to see myself the way that he saw me – as his creation, created on purpose for his purpose. And I vowed to never again allow my plans of being a wife and a mom to override the plans that God was laying out for me.

So here’s the thing, when we are living out the purpose that God has for us, we are able to experience the fullness of God like never before. It’s when we are intentionally listening to the voice of God and walking in obedience that we are able to experience God in new and exciting ways. And yes, sometimes our paths cross with someone else who is also living out God’s purpose for their life and God makes it clear that you will do more for the Kingdom together than apart. But it’s not a guarantee.

Putting all of your hopes and dreams and all this stock into another {imperfect} human will only leave you feeling empty. That void that we have convinced ourselves will be filled when we have a spouse was only meant to be filled by the God who created us. Believe me when I say, marriage is a lonely place when you are looking to your spouse to be your savior instead of your partner. And all the while, God is looking down at your face saying, “My child, won’t you just lay all of that down at my feet and follow me?”

So don’t miss it. Don’t miss the wild adventures that God wants to take you on. (And sometimes those adventures are not possible as a married person!!) All of those passions that are like a fire in your belly – don’t ignore them. Seek Jesus and the journey He wants to take you on and I promise that He will show you that the more abundant life he has promised doesn’t start with our eternal life in Glory but in letting His abundant Glory transform our lives today. 

Don’t miss it.

You can spend your days just going to class or work or binging shows on Netflix just waiting for your chance to be someone’s spouse. You can totally do that. But look around and recognize the beautiful life God has already promised you as His child. Go live your life and live it fiercely in the light of God’s grace!  Live out your life with the purpose God has planted inside of you!

You were created for more. Don’t miss it.