On one hand, it feels like Micah and I have been married 5 days. On the other, it feels like we’ve been married 50 years. But as I sit here teary eyed after re-watching our wedding video with braxton hicks contractions kicking in every few minutes, there’s one thing that remains true – marriage is both the easiest and hardest adventure I’ve ever embarked in my life.
When Micah and I got married 5 years ago, we did not have one of those life plans where we knew the jobs we’d have or the place we’d live or even how many kids (if any) we wanted to have. We knew one thing – God had made it clear that the journey we were on individually was one that He had ordained for us to walk hand in hand as husband and wife to co-labor together. Nothing has changed about that. We’ve experienced seasons of harvest in our marriage and seasons of drought and God has remained faithful through each and every one.
Here is what I know now that I did not know then – at least, maybe I didn’t know it with as much assurance as I do now – marriage is not the finish line. It does not complete us. It is not a bucket list item to check off. It is not a benchmark we must check in order to feel like our lives are in order. Marriage is a calling and should be regarded as such. In our society, we often see marriage as a prize at the end of the long race of singleness but that could not be further from the truth. The prize is always Jesus.
Here are 5 marriage tips to honor our 5 year anniversary:
- Don’t get married before you’re 25. There’s something about 25 both scientifically in terms of brain development and socially in terms of personal development and growth that “I believe” to be vital before entering into a life long commitment. If you haven’t developed personally to the point where you truly know yourself, you can’t fully know that you’re ready to share your life with another person.
- Do not put the unnecessary pressure on yourself to buy a house before you get married/soon after getting married. Find you guys a little rental house/condo/apartment and learn how to live life together in a space that doesn’t require you to deplete your savings when the water heater goes out.
- Pets are not practice for babies. You cannot put the baby in the crate and go to work.
- Year 2 and/or 3 are the hardest. You’ll hear people say that your first year is the hardest year or marriage but I’m gonna push back and say nah. Your first year is all fun and games and lots of “firsts” but when you hit year two, it’s not always fun anymore. It’s reality and it’s hard but hang out, it gets better, and hard again and better again. 🙂
- Don’t be scared to fight it out. Here’s the thing – you are going to disagree with your spouse. You are imperfect people and because you live together, both of your least attractive characteristics are going to be magnified to each other. You might feel like the nicest thing to do is just go to your room and shut the door and scream into your pillow and sure, there’s a time for that, but there comes a time when you just need to get things out in the open. Fight it out and get over it and move on.
We’re not experts on marriage and in another 5 years, I’ll surely be reminded of how I was wrong about a lot of things but that’s just life.
I do know this. I wouldn’t want to be married to anyone else and I’m certain no one else could love me like Micah. 🙂
Enjoy our wedding video at the link below. PW: groomswedding.
Special thanks to Tyler & Nicole Cole for our wedding video and Seth Williams for our wedding photography.